My evaluator pointed out one area of needed improvement: I should relate the closing to my own life. I agree with her. Of course, I’ll have to trim something out of the middle or talk faster to stay within the time limit.

A pig and a chicken are walking down the road when they come upon a church where a revival is going on.

And they went inside.

Any of you been to a revival? It’s been a long time for me. Not since I was little bitty and my Grandmother would take me.

Pig and chicken were moved, overcome by the spirit.

Pig says, "I want to contribute something."

"Me, too!", says Chicken. "Me, too! Let’s contribute some ham and eggs".

"That’s fine for you", says pig. "For you, it’s just a contribution. But for me, IT’S A COMMITMENT!"

People fear commitment no less than that pig. Ohhh, god! They fear it like death itself.

I asked myself, Why’s that?

I’ll tell you why! ‘Cause people are not like pig here.

Noooo. People are basically weasels.

Consider all the people you know who spend time & energy justifying a long trail of broken commitments.

They have elaborate stories, worthy of novels – complete with intricate plots and subplots within subplots, filled with nefarious characters…

But all their stories boil down to little more than "The dog ate my homework".

They are victims of a homework eating dog. Victims of circumstance.

Here’s the irony of it…

We avoid commitment which leads us to be victims of circumstance.

But, as it turns out, power over circumstance lives inside commitment which we avoid.

If power over circumstance lives inside commitment, where does commitment live?

Well, it doesn’t live in your head. That’s where the weasel lives.

You know. The inner voice. The one that talks you OUT of sticking with your commitments.

{sigh}

The good new is that commitment lives.

It lives ‘out there’.

Commitment is nothing more than living up to the agreements you make with someone else.

It’s that simple.

Simple but not easy.

See, agreement is made between two people.

You. And someone else.

People, remember, are basically weasels.

You ever see a weasel? They are nasty!

When you grab a weasel and they bite, scratch, squirm and spit something awful.

But no one said it was easy.

In the words of the late Dr. King,

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Here’s a man who knew challenge and controversy.

And he understood the power over circumstance that lives in commitment.

He was committed that all men, women and children, both alive and yet to be born, would enjoy the same rights, liberties and opportunities.

His commitment to millions of Americans.

And there were people who confronted him in both challenge and controversy.

And he stood firm.

Here’s a tip to help you stand firm inside your commitment.

Something that works for me.

Choose out five or six people who inspire you.

Learn about them, their lives, the challenges and controversies they faced.

In the dark moments of weakness, call upon them.

Bring their living memories to stand beside you.

Draw upon their inspiration to give you strength, and courage, and resolve.

And take claim to power over circumstance in your life.

{gesture towards audience} Any of you been to a revival? It’s been a while for me. Let me tell you, a revival is MOVING.

Pig and chicken were moved, overcome by the spirit.

Pig says, "I want to contribute something."

"Me, too!", says Chicken. "Me, too! Let’s contribute some ham and eggs".

{Look shocked} "That’s fine for you", says pig. "For you, it’s just a contribution. But for me, IT’S A COMMITMENT!"

{pause} People fear commitment no less than that pig. Ohhh, god! They fear it like death itself. But why?

{snort} Let’s look at a typical company meeting. The cast of characters wander into the room, coffee in hand and {squat slightly} settle into their chairs for a two hour Buddha-fest.

{matter of factly} You know what a Buddha-fest is? It’s where you clear your mind of all thoughts, tune out the meeting and drift through time and space {louder, measured} because the inane drivel of the meeting would drive you NUTS.

Suddenly, you are snapped out of your trance.

"Look!", some faceless company robot screams. {shrilly} "I need someone to finish these TPS reports by Friday!". "Someone!"

And the rest of the meeting is all about avoiding that Friday commitment.

See, people see commitment as a trap, it hems them in, leaves them no wiggle room. And they desperately want wiggle room.

Cause when this Friday thing goes south…

{deepen voice, slow gesture with left hand} And these things Always go south.

…someone’s going to be hung out to dry! And you don’t want it to be you!

So no one really makes a commitment, Friday comes and some poor bastard is tapped as the fall guy. Victim of circumstance. Wrong place. Wrong time.

Some people ‘learn to play the game’ and become adept at {draw out speech, widen hands horizontally} maximizing the wiggle room {widen hands vertically} and utilizing it to its fullest.

We call these people {slowly, like Andy Griffith} weasels.

Weasels!

God, I worked at a place, looked like a WEASEL FARM. People ran amok!

The irony of it… We avoid commitment at all costs which leads to our being victims of circumstance but, as it turns out, power over circumstance lives inside commitments which we avoid at all costs.

Hold that thought for a moment.

If power over circumstance lives inside commitment, where does commitment live?

I once thought we each held commitment inside ourselves. Commitment to a faith, to ethics, to goals. Not true! Consider that commitment is one person agreeing to do cause an effect for another person.

If I directed all commitments internally, like "change my car oil every 3,000 miles", I’d spend my entire day talking to myself. And what do we say about people that constantly talk to themselves? Their CRAZY.

Besides, I look down and see it’s been 7,000 miles and somehow, I turn a blind eye. "Well, oil is better than it used to be, coffee was late this morning, the oil change shop changed owners…" And you let yourself weasel out.

Now you’re crazy AND a weasel. We call that, ‘neurotic’.

{sigh}

No, commitment lives ‘out there’. In that company meeting room. When that guy came looking for a commitment, don’t duck and weave. Stand firm and say "Yeah. I’ll do it".

But don’t stop there. You’ve chosen to stand inside your commitment with no wiggle room but you still have to reach out and take the power that’s there. Reach out and grab that weasel who came searching for commitment and squeeze the wiggle out of him.

That’s called negotiation. Don’t close the negotiations until you and he both stand in the agreement with no wiggle lift. Eye to eye. Mind to mind. In that moment, you will have claimed power over circumstance.

Don’t get me wrong. It ain’t as easy as it sounds.

You ever see a weasel? They are nasty! Grab a weasel and they bite, scratch writhe, squirm and spit. But no one said it would be easy.

In the words of the late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.,

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Here’s a man who knew challenge and controversy. And he understood the power over circumstance that lives in commitment. He was committed that all men, women and children, both alive and yet to be born, would enjoy the same rights, liberties and opportunities. His commitment to millions of Americans. And there were people who confronted him in both challenge and controversy.

That Friday TPS report pales.

Yet, when you choose to be a weasel no longer, choose to stand inside your commitments and live without wiggle, you will quickly find that {solemnly} you are alone.

That weasel you grab will scream horribly while the other weasels will not come to your aid.

You will feel a ball tighten in your abdomen and the taste of brass fill your mouth. But here’s a tip. Something that works for me.

Choose out five or six people who inspire you. Learn about them, their lives and those challenges and controversies they faced. I call them, ‘the great ones’.

Then, in the dark moments of negotiating through the fear-driven shrieking fury of a weasel, call upon the great ones. Stand not alone, but bring the living memories of the great ones to stand shoulder-to-shoulder beside you. Draw upon their inspiration to give you strength, and courage, and resolve to stand inside your commitment and see it through. And take claim to the power over circumstance in your life.

###

I got laughs but there were three mechanical problems with my delivery

• Flow stalled in a few places
• I ran over my time limit — 8:36 for a 5:00 to 7:00 talk
• The intro was a bit wooden

All in all, I was pleased with the material and may revisit the subject again.

###

I have a confession.
I am addicted to hashing.

Now, I said hash-ing — not not hash-ish.

I have no interest in the latter.

The former, however, has opened up new worlds.

Hashing is a mixture of athleticism and sociability — it’s an exhilaratingly fun combination of running, orienteering, and partying, where bands of harriers chase hares on a 4 to 6 mile trail through town, country, jungle, and desert, all in search of exercise, camaraderie, and good times.

Hashing, as we know it today, started back in 1938 in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Several Brits started a hare & hounds running group.

They named the group after their meeting place, the local English Club, aka the “Hash House.”

Hash House Harrier runs were patterned after the traditional British public school paper chase. A “hare” would be given a short head start to blaze a trail, marking his devious way with shreds of paper, soon to be pursued by a shouting pack of “harriers.” Only the hare knew where he was going . . . the harriers followed his marks to stay on trail.

Apart from the excitement of chasing down the wily hare, solving the hare’s marks and reaching the end was its own reward, for there, thirsty harriers would find a tub of iced-down beer.

Today, there are thousands of Hash House Harrier clubs worldwide.

I started hashing while working in India and Hong Kong. Though my home hash is right here in Silicon Valley, I mostly hashed overseas back then.

My favorite hash is in Singapore, an all mens hash that runs on Tuesday nights. It’s a big pack of between 70 and 100 strong.

But no matter where you hash, here’s roughly what you can expect.

At the designated time, the pack starts showing up. And, like dogs at the park, we ritually mill around to get re-aquatinted and make new friends. It’s networking at its most primitive level.

The hare or hares will declare they are ‘off’ and start down the trail. Many hares mark their trails with bleached wheat flour though the Singapore hash uses toilet tissue. It turns out that equatorial jungles devour the tissue in a matter of days. Tissue also doesn’t wash away during the rains. And it always rains in Singapore. The hares are given a twenty to thirty minute head start and then…

the pack sets to ground.

[bicycle horn]

Not all hashes use bicycle horns but the Singapore does. Scores and scores of horns honking their way through the jungle. It’s pitch black and the sound of horns are all you to go by at times.

I love the Tuesday Singapore hash because they _do_ run through the jungle. There’s not been a tiger in Singapore for over a hundred years. Yet, as I scramble up a muddy bank or past the giant elephant ears bigger than me, I can almost hear the voice of Steve Irwin, crocodile hunter.

Look at that tiger. Beautiful animal. Sleek. Powerful. See how he glides through the jungle in search of his prey, they ungainly hasher.

[bicycle horn]

Not that a bicycle horn would fend off a tiger, but it couldn’t hurt.

At long last, the back of the pack straggles in but we’re only half finished.

For every run, there’s a circle.

Sometimes, the circle is right there, at the spot where the run ends and other times it convenes at a nearby eatery. But no matter, the pack will circle around the “Religious Advisor”. You may think of him (or her) as the law giver.

The Religious Advisor may tell a joke, or make announcements but his main purpose is to deal with hash crimes. Misdemeanors against the pack. All the while the thirsty hounds help themselves to food and beverage.

Since the only “rule” in hashing is “there are no rules”, a crime boils down to drawing attention to your self.

Some Common crimes:

* First time hasher
* Visiting hasher
* Getting lost
* Finishing First
* Finishing Last
* New Shoes

If I can give you one bit of advice: never, ever, ever were new shoes to a hash. Ever.

Back at my home hash, the Silicon Valley Hash House Harriers, I was given my name during one such ‘trial’. Every Hasher eventually gets a ‘hash name’. Thereafter, it is a crime to use one’s street name.

I had been hashing for two years and had avoided the naming trial.

It was my dog, Truffles. Truffles did me in.

Truffles is a devout hasher.

It was a long, hot run through the Stanford campus.

We straggled in to the finish.

Truffles tongue flapped like a giant pink spatula, slinging taffy strings of slobber on everyone. Not pretty. Not pretty at all. There was going to be trouble.

“A most Heinous crime has been committed against the pack.”

The circle of hashers jeered in mock contempt.

“You! You and the mutt. In the circle!”

The pack went nuts. They were wild dogs on the verge of a kill, maddened with blood lust and ice cold beer. Justice would be meted out in fair portions tonight.

One by one, victims of Truffy’s slobber attacks testified. The evidence was overwhelming. Attempts to defend yourself only draw more attention, so don’t do it.

It’s how the wildebeest must feel having been singled out by a pride of lions.

After much singing and several toasts of beer, I walked out of the circle to be known evermore, worldwide as

Dogitosis

It could have been worse. Much worse.

I’ve made friends around the world through the hash. I only wish I had started fifteen years earlier. Getting started is really simple. Just show up. All you need is a sense of humor. But leave your new shoes at home.

###

Who here hasn’t been burned by the dot com debacle, the internet bubble?

Raise your hand.

I know I have.

I been burned so bad I’m gonna raise both hands.

For almost two years, not a month went by when some one I knew didn’t lose their job.

You worry about things when you lose your job.

How you going to send your kids to college.

- take care of your parents

- you every going to retire

It wears on you.

And you may think back to the internet days, back when it seemed everyone was making hay.

Back when everyone from the CEO on down cashed out at the IPO and were instant millionaires.

I for one, am glad it’s over.

For all its glitz.

For all its hype.

For all its shine, there was an ugly side to dot com.

The internet bubble coincided with a decline in corporate integrity, which is really the integrity of those who ran the companies.

The bubble didn’t cause the decline but three factors that engendered the bubble tested the moral fiber of these companies.

Factor one: Excess equity financing (also known as VC funding).

VC’s were springing up everywhere and everybody was getting funded.

Well, not everybody.

I didn’t get funded.

But I went to work for someone who did.

And a lot of companies did get money.

A lot of money.

Too much money.

All that money created unrealistic expectations.

Factor Two: The new economy.

Somehow, the new economy worked differently.

It was based on the information age – not the industrial age.

Old school said — you had to go out and make something, manufacture something then sell it at a profit in order to make money.

I think we’re all familiar with that model.

New school said — It is no longer about manufacturing but about distribution.

The game was who could build and own the distribution infrastructure.

So, silly-idea-dot-com raised a lot of money to go out and build a big infrastructure.

You needed a lot of money (which the VC’s had) because you had to “build” the company from zero to IPO in 24 months.

Actually, you didn’t “build” a company, you “outfitted” a company.

It was basically a big shopping spree.

But at some point, you gotta stop shopping and start working.

Factor Three: Somebody had to run silly-idea-dot-com.

And there was no shortage of middle managers eager to jump from corporate America to be CEO or VP of hot startup.com.

Build infrastructure for a year or so.

Go IPO.

Stay on for a bit longer, maybe.

Then retire.

It was a good plan.

But that’s not how it went.

Not for most companies.

What happened was the IPO market dried up.

The acquisition market dried up.

The bubble burst.

And the new economy was out.

Old school was back and companies found themselves ill prepared deal with it.

They were run by inept management teams who knew how to manage expenses but knew nothing about building effective organizations or managing to profitability.

Their IPO escape route was shut off, gone.

The only way out now WAS profitability.

And they weren’t going to get there.

No way.

The companies were in shambles.

Investors were testy, at best.

They were running out of money.

And they didn’t know what to do.

In their desperation, they lost their way.

I witnessed good men go bad.

Now, they lied to everyone.

Made hollow commitments.

Were completely irrational.

And they turned on each other.

It wasn’t just politics.

It was viciousness and malice and a struggle to be last man out.

I do not miss that.

But things ARE getting better.

Funding has been down but it’s not gone.

Companies are being funded.

But their business plans must pass old school muster.

And company DNA is more experienced in making a buck the old fashioned way.

An honest buck.

And that’s a good thing.

I never formally stated the problem, so here it is.

Problem: Christensen doesn’t come across as having bad seed potential. You know he becomes Darth Vader and you look for the warning signs. They are there, but the signs all seemed contrived.

Solution: First off, let’s clear up why I believe a Matt Damon type is perfect for this role. Orange Jumper. Every role I’ve ever seen Damon in, his character would be right at home in a County Orange Jumper. I don’t know. Damon may be an alter boy in real life. On the silver screen, he comes across as a criminal. Even when he’s trying to be good.

But I can’t think of a Damon type and Matt’s a bit old for the role. Too bad. He’d of been perfect. OK. So Hayden Christensen stays. But for him to be believable, there’s gotta be some changes.

One problem I have with Anakin is not so much Christensen’s fault but Lucas’. There was a seminal moment, a crossing when Anakin offs the entire sand people village. Yet, we see none of it. The set up was good. When Shmi Skywalker dies in the arms of Anakin, I can feel myself pulling for Anakin to waste them all.

That’s the point. The pull of the dark side. Vengeance.

Webster’s defines Vengeance as

Vengeance \Venge”ance\, n. [F. vengeance, fr. venger to avenge, L. vindicare to lay claim to, defend, avenge, fr. vindex a claimant, defender, avenger, the first part of which is of uncertain origin, and the last part akin to dicere to say. See Diction, and cf. Avenge, Revenge, Vindicate.]

Punishment inflicted in return for an injury or an offense; retribution; — often, in a bad sense, passionate or unrestrained revenge.

That you’re sucked in to feeling what Anakin’s feeling at the time of his mother’s death is brilliant. But Lucas drops the ball and leaves Anakin looking awkward and unconvincing.

Simply stated, when Skywalker offs the village, I want to go through the emotional acrobatics of first empathizing with him. Yet, it’s important to depart from Anakin during the battle. Come on, did anybody really believe Anakin went over the top? No.

I’m thinking 13th Warrior. I’m thinking Gladiator. I’m thinking Fellowship of the Ring (mines of Moria battle scene). Not a couple {{whhooomp-whoomp}} light saber swipes and scenes over. The hell is that? That moment defines Anakin’s future, the rest of his life. He starts down that slippery slope towards the dark side. When the battle’s over, I want to have made the transition to “Dude, you’ve gone too far.” I want to feel that Anakin going bad.

That’s why I believe a Matt Damon type would have worked within the existing framework of the film. He’s already believable as ‘going bad’. But, Christensen could have worked if the sand people massacre left you with that Pulp Fiction ‘dragged through the sewer’ feeling and Anakin showed some genuine cruelty in the subsequent battle scene.

And that bring up another thing. When Anakin gets his arm whacked off, you just feel bad. It’s inconsistent with the slippery slope speeding Anakin towards the darkside angle. Anakin needs to do things that make you feel torn. On the one hand, his arm’s whacked off. Makes you feel bad. On the other hand, he’s a really bad guy who’s soon to help plunge the entire galaxy into darkness. Makes you feel anxious.

With that, Christensen can stay.

What do we do with Anakin? Well, Luke Skywalker was a doofus so why shouldn’t, too, be the old man. Doofus. That sums it up.

The story line suggests that Anakin is impetuous. OK. Maybe we need a Matt Damon type. Matt Damon is too old but we could use a 20 year old Matt Damon type.

I really don’t like Matt Damon, except in Dogma, but he would work here. Any other suggestions? Tracy says it will take some thinking. Maybe we’ll have to stick with Hayden Christensen but he’s got to get a new script. For my money, I could believe Matt Damon capping all the sand people and starting down the road to the dark side.

Stay tuned. More to come.

Peace.

I admit it. I can’t help but watch the DVD’s on occasion. But that doesn’t mean they don’t bite. They do. So I puzzle out how I would change them. I mean, they HAVE to be remade or MST3K HAS to parody them. Here’s the first of possibly many rants on:

How to Fix the Star Wars Series.

1. Color Scheme

Problem: I know Lucas was screwed by the original three series. Everything is clean. It’s black and white. Even the ‘gritty’ scenes are squeaky clean. Come on. Life’s messy. I’ve had the benefit of ‘up close and personal’ experience in the Army. I’ve seen the inside of real equipment in real operation. Tanks. Personnel carriers. Trucks. C-123s. C-130s. C-141s. Chinooks. Hueys. Hell, I’ve even been underway on an aircraft carrier. They are all dirty. Even when clean.

Solution: Review the film Wing Commander for how to put together a ship. Real ships have pipes and wires and steel. But especially, they have paint. Every spaceship’s interior get’s painted until every surface has a ‘30 coats of paint’ look to it. I was on a United Airlines flight recently (to/from Dulles). Looking out the window of the Boeing 777, the wing had coats of paint. They were also DIRTY. Black goop and soot stained the flaps. That’s real life.

OK, final note. If the Navy paints EVERYTHING haze gray, then I gotta believe a space navy would paint everything dark haze gray.

2. Jar-Jar

Problem: With life being the bear that it is, how does that goofy bastard Jar-Jar score such a sweet job? It ain’t right.

Solution: Jar-Jar, sadly, dies in Episode I.

3. Sanitized Violence

Problem: There’s a lot of supposed physical confrontation. Did anyone on the director’s team ever watch Rocky? When you smack a man, he bruises and often bleeds. Even if everyone ‘miraculously heals’ by the next scene, there’s got to be some real injury in the smack down.

Solution: Rewatch Rocky. And call up Peter Jackson. I think he ‘gets’ it.

4. Obi-wan Kenobi

Problem: I liked Ewan McGregor. My problem is that he needed to smack Anakin. Anyone that has trained in a traditional dojo knows that sassin’ the master is not an option. Not because the master can drop you inside of the space of a single breath. He/she can. No, it’s because you cannot train under a truly great master and not develop great respect for them. It just wouldn’t occur to you to be a jack ass in the presence of one you respect.

Solution: Yea, yea, yea. Anakin is really a gifted Jedi and feels Obi-wan is holding him back. There needed to be a come-to-jesus scene where Anakin smarts off and Obi whips him within an inch of his life. No light sabers. Just plain, old-fashioned fist-a-cuffs. Obi-wan spares Anakin. Anakin starts to distance himself from Obi-wan but remains respectful.

There’s more. Much more. But it willl have to wait. Give some thought to who would replace Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker. ‘Cause, he’s gotta go. Or Obi-wan has to give Anakin two whippings. Something.

Peace.